Inside my head…

If your anything like me I know at some point in your life you have wanted to get inside someones head.  To know what they are thinking, how they are feeling, what they have been through that only they could know.  Every time I sit back and think how great it could be if only for a minute to be inside someone else’s head I realize that most times I struggle just being in my own head. The thoughts, feelings and struggles that I put myself through that no one would know.  Do I really want to carry someone else’s internal struggles along with mine.  Is that even something that I could bare?

For the most part I merely struggle with the unknown.  The fear of what might happen. What if I don’t get something done in time, what if someone near to me becomes ill and doesn’t survive the sickness, what if someones anger leads to harming someone, what if Im traveling alone and come up missing, what if what if what if.  My mind is full of what ifs and most of them lead back to the fear of not knowing. Okay all of them.  Apparently that is my number one fear, the fear of the unknown. Is that even a fear? Is that something that normal people struggle with? Am I even on the normal spectrum?

Ok so these arnt the only things that run through my head.  I am a little normal.  I think of things like “why is that girl crying?” and “what has that elderly person seen in their life?” or even “where has that old RV traveled over the years?” Silly things to have taking up important space in this tiny brain of mine huh!  Times when I should be thinking what my next move is to get through the day Im stopped in my tracks off in another place at another time. What causes me to be the way that I am? Is it that I am a scorpio, does that have any light on my constant over thinking everything that I do. I cant make a decision to save my life. The only thing I know is that I have people near me and around me and none of them truly know me.  I mean really who can truly know someone unless you have had the opportunity to get inside their head at some point in their life. 

I see social media and blog spots as a way to get in there. Those words they write are words that only they knew. They came directly from inside of them.  They are true actual thoughts and feelings that were not shared via verbal communication or actions that others can judge. They are internal communication that cannot be counteracted with what someone else thinks they were hearing or seeing. Only the person typing or writing those words on paper can control what is spoken. Upon reading the words I write right this moment you have found yourself inside my head. While it might not be what you had hoped to find in there it is real, it is live at this moment.  I tend to “over post” on social media, aka FaceBook. Post things that others refer to as “deep” or “a lot to take in” but thats just me Im open when I want to be open and Im withdrawn when I want to be withdrawn. Maybe at times my open posts are a cry to have someone else think these thoughts and carry them with them as well so that Im not alone in this, maybe they are to show others that I am human and have more going on than just what Im eating for dinner that night or what new clothing item I purchased. 

Getting inside someones head reminds you they are human. They breath the same air you breath, they see the same moon and stars at night that you see, they are more than a body taking up space on this earth.  And thats how it feels to get inside my head, only for tonight, only for this brief blog, I am human. 

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